Well, that’s a huge hiatus after only just getting back into blogging.
In the spirit of open and truthful dialogue – which is primarily what I want this blog to exemplify – I’ve been feeling pretty shit. I’ve had high level, constant anxiety making me nauseous every day which has obviously lead to weight loss as my appetite is seldom seen. This has exacerbated the anxiety, as I have a long history with an eating disorder and involuntary weight-loss & hunger pangs have been triggering intrusive thoughts and setting old bad habits back into play. I’m wary of writing about it because I worry that so much of what I want to say could be triggering to someone reading it.
As hard as it is to be motivated enough to sit down and write, on the rare instances that I have done I find myself second-guessing most of what I’ve written and therefore deleting and giving up. I’m pissed at myself for this, because if I want to focus on mental health there’s bound to be times when my own is not so good, and that gives a raw and honest perspective that can be valuable for writing and for showing a different side of mental illness, outside of the shitty inspirational quotes and ‘it’s okay to not be okay’ type platitudes (which are still valid, btw, and still helpful for many).
I don’t know how to be honest without verging on destructive.
I don’t know where to go from here just yet, but I don’t want to stay quiet forever.
I’ll be okay, I just need some time and to think for a while longer.